May 500 akong Jokes in order​

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Man1: Anong pulutan nyo kahapon sa birthday mo?
Man2: Pata!
Man1: Wow! Anong klaseng pata?
Man2: Pata-galan ng kwento! Walang pera eh.

Tatay: Asensado na talaga ang anak natin sa US . Ito, nagpadala ng picture, nakasandal sa kotse. Basahin mo nga ang nakasulat sa likod.

Nanay: Inay, nagpapasalamat ako, kasi, kung hindi dahil sa kotse na ito, natumba na ako sa sobrang gutom.

Seksing girl, naglalakad sa Ayala, nakalabas isang s*so.

Napansin ng isang lalake. "Miss, yung dede mo, nakalabas."

sê×ÿ:"Ay P*tang Ina, Yung baby ko, naiwan sa taxi!"

Parental Wisdoms

1. Si Inay, tinuruan niya ako How to appreciate a job well done!
"Kung kayong dalawa ay magpapatayan, doon kayo sa labas! Mga leche kayo, kalilinis ko lang ng bahay."

2. Natuto ako ng Religon kay Itay:
"Kapag yang mantsa di natanggal sa carpet, magdasal ka na!"

3.Kay Inay ako natuto ng Logic:
"Kaya ganyan, dahil sinabi ko."

4. At kay Inay pa rin ako natuto ng more logic
"Pag ikaw nalaglag diyan sa bubong, ako lang mag-isa ang manonood ng sine."

5. Si Inay din ang nagturo sa akin kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng IRONY:
"Sige ngumalngal ka pa at bibigyan talaga kita ng iiyakan mo!"

6. Si Inay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung ano ang contortionism
"Tingnan mo nga yang dumi sa likod ng leeg mo, tingnan mo!!!"

7. Si Itay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng Stamina:
"Wag kang tatayo diyan hanggat di mo nauubos lahat ng pagkain mo!"

8. At si Inay ang nagturo sa amin kung ano ang Wearher:
"Lintek talaga kayo, ano ba itong kuwarto nyong magkapatid, parang dinaanan ng bagyo!"

9. Ganito ang paliwanag sa akin ni Inay tungkol sa circle of life:
"Malandi kang bata ka, iniluwal kita sa mundong ito, maari rin kitang alisin sa mundong ito."

10. Kay Itay ako natuto kung ano ang Behavior modification:
"Tumigil ka nga diyan! Huwag kang umarte na parang Nanay mo!"

11. Si Inay naman ang nagturo kung anong ibig sabihin ng genetic:
"Nagmana ka nga talaga sa ama mong walanghiya!"

12. Si Inay naman ang nagpaliwanag sa amin kung anong ibig sabihin ng Envy:
"Maraming mga batang ulila sa magulang. Di ba kayo nagpapasalamat at mayroon kayong magulang na tulad namin?"

13. Si Itay naman ang nagturo sa akin ng anticipation
"Sige kang bata ka, hintayin mong makarating tayo sa bahay!"

14. At si Itay pa rin ang nagturo kay Kuya kung anong ibig sabihin ng receiving:
"Uupakan kita pagdating natin sa bahay!"

15. Si Inay naman ang nagturo sa akin kung ano ang Humor:
"Kapag naputol yang mga paa mo ng pinaglalaruan mong lawnmower, wag na wag kang tatakbo sa akin at lulumpuhin kita!"

16. At ang pinakamahalaga sa lahat, natutunan ko kina Inay at Itay kung ano ang Justice :
"Balang araw magkakaroon ka rin ng anak...tiyak magiging katulad mo at magiging sakit din sa ulo!"

Isang pinoy, nagpropose sa pinay na minamahal. Upang mapasagot ang babae, pinaghandaan ang sasabihin.
Boy: Will you be my wedding?
Girl: Hahaha!
Boy: What's laughing?
Girl: Wrong gramming!

The Philippines is where:
-Starbucks is more expensive than gasoline.
-Every street has a basketball court but every town has only one school.
-Students pay more than they will earn.
-Doctors go back to medical school to become nurses abroad.
-Everything is spoofed.
-Fastfood is a diet meal.
- Roden ts are normal house pets.
-Soap opera is reality and news provide the dramas of life.
-Actors make the rules and politicians provide entertainment.

Students talking.

FEU: Your tuition, it's just my allowance for a week.
La Salle : Your tuition is just my allowance for a day.
UP: Yeah! Pero final exam nyo, seatwork lang namin!

Baka gusto niyo haha ... Note: This is not my link but i just want to share. No copyright intended.

Passenger taps taxi driver's shoulder...
WAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! screamed the driver...
Passenger: bakit ka sumigaw?
Driver: sorry bossing bago lang kasi ako sa
taxi. 25 years po kasi ako
driver ng funenaria

Inrits your bocabolary: by Manny Pacquiao.
Tactics - tunog ng orasan.
Payt - laban para sa pinoy.
Taytol - pamagat ng laban.
Jengkeh - name ng dyowa nya?!
No Peer - sponsor nya.
Motor Kid - pag-ikot nya sa Maynila.
Check-in - manok sa McDo.
Corrupt - pagsara ng mata.
Mura Less - nakalaban nya.
Wit - Timbang.
Wawawe - noontime show.
Duet - gawin mo.
L.A. - Leto Atsensya!
Quotes - tawag nya kay Freddie Roach!

The truth behind the song Eternal Flame and who really sang it.
Bulag: Close your eyes.
Pilay: Give me your hand, darling.
Bingi: Do you hear my heart beating?
****: Do you understand?
Manhid: Do you feel the same?
Dukha: Am I only dreaming?
Bumbero: Is this burning, an eternal flame?
Pipi: Say my name.
Baliw: Sunshine through the rain.
Kawawa: My whole life, so lonely.
Doctor: They'll come and ease the pain.
Maramot: I don't wanna lose this feeling.
Wolf: oooohhhh!

Best things in life:
-Nakapulot ka ng wallet at walang nakakita.
-Libreng pagkain.
-Bumagyo sa araw ng thesis defense mo.
-Tatay/nanay mo ang presidente.
-Nakapag-asawa ng ubod ng yaman ang ate/kuya mo.
-Pumayat ka ng walang effort.
-Kamukha mo si Lindsay Lohan kung girl ka, si Brad Pitt naman kung guy ka.
-Mga housemaids na loyal.
-Niligawan ka ng crush mo.
-Iniwan ka ng dyowa mong matagal mo nang gustong itapon.
-Aircon.
-Free ride kapag nastranded ka.
-Manalo sa lotto, bingo, casino.
-Beautiful kids.
-Gifted child.
-Ice cold coke kapag summer.
-Hot ******.
-Acquittal.
-Pictures na maganda ang angle mo.
-UAAP/NCAA champion ang university mo.
- Marathon ng favorite tv show mo.
-Hot pandesal.
-Nakarma ang kaaway mo.
-Winning moments.
-Inuman with friends.
-Peace of mind.

What's up mga bossing.. Ngayon lang naka balik . quarantine kasi may nag positive ka workmate ko..
Buti nlang negative result sa swabtest.

Dolce Amore - 2016

Hi mga bossing, baka pwede meron kayo nito pa request po .

Thank you in advance po..

Juan: Pedro, nasaksak ako! Walang hinto ang tagas ng dugo. Please, call me a nurse. Call me a nurse, bilis!
Pedro: Sige, you're a nurse! Nurse ka Juan! You're a nurse! Nurse kah!

Don't hesitate to confess your feelings, its Now or Never.

Kumatok ang isang ahente sa bahay.

Pagbukas ni misis ng pinto, agad pumasok ang ahente at ikinalat sa sahig ang ebak ng kabayo,

Sabi ng ahente, "Ma'am, kapag di nalinis ng vacuum cleaner ko ang kalat, kakainin ko ang mga yan."

Misis: "ay pu*ang ina ka! umpisahan mo na ang pagkain nyan at brownout kami ngayon!"

Seksing girl, naglalakad sa Ayala, nakalabas isang s*so.

Napansin ng isang lalake. "Miss, yung dede mo, nakalabas."

sêXÿ:"Ay P*tang Ina, Yung baby ko, naiwan sa taxi!"

Pedro : Miss magkano serbisyo mo?

Gro: 500 sa kama , 300 sa sofa, 200 sa sahig at 100 sa damuhan.

Pedro: Sige, 500!

Gro: Wow, bigatin! Isang beses sa kama ?

Pedro: Hindi! 5 beses sa damuhan!