Lolo: Pakiabot naman yang posporo.
Lola: Andyan naman yung shellane eh!
Lolo: So, ipanlilinis ko yung shellane sa tenga ko?

Once there was a mirror who kills anyone who lie.
FVR: I think, I don't smoke. (Killed)
Cory: I think, I hate yellow. (Killed)
GMA: I think, I'm tall. (Killed)
Erap: I think (Killed).

Tagalog: Ano ba ang difference ng opinion sa conclusion?
Bisaya: Ang t***a mo naman! Papasok ka sa pinto kung opin-yun. Pero con-clus-yon, hindi pwedeng pumasok!

Priest (in Malacañang): Next Sunday, I'll preach about the sin of lying. To understand more, I want you all to read Mark, chapter 17.
(Next Sunday) Priest: How many of you read Mark chapter 17? (Only GMA's hand went up!)
Priest (smiled): Mark has only 16 chapters. Let's now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.

Bf: may malaki ako problema.
Gf: wag mo sabihin problema mo lang! problema
natin dahil nagmamahalan
tayo! ngayon ano problema natin?
Bf: nabuntis natin si inday at tayo ang ama

Trust your instincts.

Stay where your presence matter.

Isang lalaki ang nagtayo ng zoo.. Ginawa niyang P300.00 ang entrance fee pero walang pumapasok sa zoo nya. .

Binabaan niya ito sa halagang P200.00 pero wala pa ring pumapasok.

Ginawa niyang P10.00 ang entrance pero wala paring pumapasok..

Ang ginawa ng lalake dahil wala paring pumapasok kahit napakababa na ng entrance fee, ginawa nalang niya itong LIBRE. Dahil dun, ang daming nagsipasukan sa zoo at ito ay napuno ng mga tao. Nasa mahigit 4000 katao ang pumasok sa kanyang zoo. Pagkatapos ay tahimik niyang ni-lock ang gate ng zoo. Pinalaya niya ang mga buwaya, leon at tigre tapos ginawa nyang P500.00 ang exit fee.. Lahat ay nagsipagbayad para lang makalabas agad..

May natagpuan kang T-shirt sa department store, ito ay nagkakahalaga ng P97.00. Wala kang Pera, humiram ka sa nanay mo ng P50 at sa tatay mo ng P50.

Magkano na pera mo? (ans: P100)

Binili mo ang T-Shirt, Magkano sukli mo? (ans: P3)

Binalik mo ung piso sa nanay mo, magkano nalang ang utang mo sa nanay mo? (ans: P49)

Binalik mo ang isa pang piso sa tatay mo, magkano nalang utang mo sa tatay mo? (ans: P49)

Ang isang piso na sa iyo.

(eto na ang pang gulo) 49 + 49 ? (ans: 9

98 + piso na nasa iyo? (ans: 99)

NASAAN NA ANG PISO? SAGUTIN NYO..

Mga bossing good day, meron ba tayong installer sa MAC OS ? thank you.

FOREVERMORE

Good morning mga boss .tagal ko ng di nakabisita dito .busy na kasi sa trabaho

Adele and the rise of the mummy 2010
-Kung sino meron pa share naman mga boss..

Thank you

mga Mate, ask ko lang kung kailan entrance exam sa Philippine air force? or paano mag sign up

Magkukumpare, nag-iisip na sa pangalan ng magiging anak.
Noel: Ipapangalan ko sa anak ko, Leon , baliktad ng Noel.
Nino: Sa akin, Onin, baliktad ng Nino.
Toto: Huwag nyo akong maisali-sali dyan sa usapan nyo, upakan ko kayo!

Maid cleaning room, found a ******: "Ay, Ano man ini?!"

Ma'am: "Wala bang ****** sa probinsya nyo, Inday?"

Maid: "Meron po naman ma'am, pero hindi naman po hanggang matuklap ang balat."

Ehem.
Alam niyo ba na walang hapon or takipsilim sa JAPAN ?
Kasi lahat sila ay HAPON ! ..

Yung lang ....Corny ba ..

1st night lola wore see thru dress, lolo didnt react...
2nd night lola wore t-back, lolo still deadma...
3rd night lola all *****, lolo said "anu yan suot mo, gusot-gusot!!"

May 500 akong Jokes in order​

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Man1: Anong pulutan nyo kahapon sa birthday mo?
Man2: Pata!
Man1: Wow! Anong klaseng pata?
Man2: Pata-galan ng kwento! Walang pera eh.